I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
