I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
