the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
