The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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