So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
