You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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