Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
