shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize