you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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