GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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