I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
