So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
