just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize