There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
