He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
