What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
