quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
