Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
