You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
