Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
