perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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