My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
