why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
