I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
