there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
