Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
