I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
