I have demons in me.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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