I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
