Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Holy shit dude........stairs
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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