He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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