I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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