drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
