Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
