At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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