Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize