i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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