I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
