I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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