Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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