I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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