I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
