Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
