Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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