I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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