I hope mine doesn't look like that
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
this just has baby written all over it
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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