Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
