At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
