then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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