so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Naked Twister starts at high noon
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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