You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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