I'm gonna have a badass scar
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
