I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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