Do vagina's smell?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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