is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
