Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
