The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
we're so committed to being not committed
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize