i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize