Pants 0. Shit 1.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
