This gyro tastes like lonliness
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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