i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
