call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
