Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
