I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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