who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
