You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
