my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
