You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
