mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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